The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare is a player-run forum event.
Hosted by the Obsidian Guild to herald the arrival of King Krogmo's Coliseum.
King Krogmo did not get to the top of the corporate Coliseum ladder by good looks alone!
Here's your chance to devise a deliciously evil office warfare tactic to annihilate the competition and help King Krogmo retain his corporeal Coliseum corporation from scheming underlings.
Details
In one short paragraph of 25 words or less, construct an original evil plan to annihilate, subjugate, eradicate, irradiate, prank or otherwise embarrass corporate cronies into submission. Dogrock of EoS notes the importance of short plans as long monologues give your cronies time to lob office furniture and half eaten donuts at you. Evil plan MUST be Spiral Knights themed. See TheBadger's example below.
Please keep your submission within the Spiral Knights TOS or your submission will get nuked by a GM or disqualified by the judges.
One submission only please as The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare Wiki as well as our data entry devilites may explode.
Entries are only accepted through the official Spiral Knights forum link: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/18907
Eligibility
This competition is open to all knights. Only knights are eligible for prizes. Three Rings staff may tender suggestions at their own risk.
Deadline - Winner's Announced
Thursday, September 1, 2011 - CLOSED
Judges
- Raspberry
- TheBadger
- Eurydice
Judging Criteria
- 50 points Evilness
- 25 points Originality and creativity
- 25 points Following details
- -1000 points Trolling the competition or pestering the judges
Judging Phase
Dependent on the volume of submissions received, real life schedules of the judges, and the few days it takes to stage and create a wallpaper of the winning entry. The wallpaper phase includes training inexperienced monsters into Academy Award actors and field testing evil office tactics on TheBadger.
Rewards
★★★★★President of Vice Receives:
- 1500 CE Salary
- Illustrious Wallpaper Illustration
Vice Management Receives:
- ★★★★☆Senior Vice ~ 500 CE Salary
- ★★★☆☆Junior Vice ~ 400 CE Salary
- ★★☆☆☆Ad Vice ~ 300 CE Salary
- ★☆☆☆☆De Vice ~ 200 CE Salary
Tactics for Success
All office tactics will eventually be sorted alphabetically by the IGN(or forum name, if IGN wasn't given) of the submitter.
Celebren, President of Vice
Kill Ultra Blast Cube.
Quickly insert explosive blobs in airtight little cups.
Leave in communal fridge with note:
"I made grape jell-o for everyone, enjoy! <3"
Sojuu, Senior Vice
Purchase a love puppy disguise
Place rocket puppy disguised as love puppy at the boss' door
Ring the doorbell and run
Harada, Junior Vice
Gather as many scuttlebots as possible and remove their legs.
Replace every photocopier in the building with them.
Wait for somebody to lift the lid....
Krystianna, Ad Vice
1) Announce retroactive plan to force all under-performers to reimburse company for each piece of office furniture thrown.
2) Watch underlings panic
3) Evil laugh if appropriate
Agentalbedo, De Vice
Hire a horde of success driven, idealistic Zombies as unpaid interns.
Acquire a Grim Totem.
Work them to death.
Chuckle as they revive.
Fill Lord Vanaduke's coffee with sewage sludge.
Leave classic "HAHA UR STOOPID" note signed with the competitors' signatures (fake, of course).
Watch the fireworks.
Profit.
Hire a horde of success driven, idealistic Zombies as unpaid interns.
Acquire a Grim Totem.
Work them to death.
Chuckle as they revive.
The boss confronts knights,
yes men in elevator,
hit "down", the boss dies.
Order a Sloom and Oilers.
Catapult Sloom onto boss' face and set him asleep.
Cover office in oil. Burn everything.
Record boss' horrified awakening.
Needed: Almirian Seal, Vanaduke
Steal an Almirian Seal from Vanaduke
Give it to boss.
Tell Vanaduke
Watch that mace swing. Ha.
Replace Pit Boss' coffee with a mixture of volt oil and Phial of Phear.
Encourage Pit Boss' to share their coffee with everyone.
Run.
My weapon brings those hungry avid for desire comes with heavy price and yet my shield holds with extreme face bring laughter but left soulless.
knock out boss with an iron slug loaded with pellets.
put him in a cage with two rabbid wolvers.
enjoy the satisfaction of his pain.
Set several bombs in your boss's office.
In the confusion have him murder 50 innocent Mewkats.>:D
Laugh as he commit suicide.
Take his precious belongings.
Gather all "Yesmen"
Go to Nick's office.
When he ask somebody something call him up and say YES!
Annoy him to death.
Throw pitchforks.
Invite higher company members to "Boss Appreciation Event".
Charge higher-up's accounts with "party expenses", for millions.
Fill large event cake with Devilites.
Offer cake.
While your boss is trying to get work done,
repeatedly drop Nitronomes,
so that he can't see what he's doing.
Eventually he will simply quit.
Kill Ultra Blast Cube.
Quickly insert explosive blobs in airtight little cups.
Leave in communal fridge with note:
"I made grape jell-o for everyone, enjoy! <3"
Kiss feet until you get the yes-man position
Earn the complete trust of the boss
Kill him with kindness
Set a blue box in blast network field.
Just as session starts destroy box.
See Krogmo scream as field walls disappear.
Explain the clockworks IN DETAIL (scary)
Also replace all office furniture with worthless Ecto drops (sad)
Distract the boss.
Install Spiral Knight on his PC while he is distracted, with run on start up.
S\he will become a SK loving zombie!!!
1. sneak sloom into boss's office
2. make sure sloom attacks
3. while boss sleeps, replace his mug with mug of misery
4. avoid misfortune by calling in sick
Replace coffee pot with used motor oil.
Fill water cooler with hot tamale sauce.
Record it all on video.
Profit ?! ....
Learn Old Management pays negative wages, no overtime
Find compromising pictures of old CEOgre on Obsidian+ (a social networking site)
....Blackmail is a powerful thing.
Replace stapler with repainted catalyzer.
Watch the boss obliterate his important documents and injure himself in the explosions to follow.
Gather coworkers for a "game":
Catch a ball in a funnel held in player's mouth.
When Boss tries playing, pour Fire Vial down the funnel.
Mix Impostocube and Toxigel to make disguised laxative jelly.
Hand to the boss; watch as he runs to the bathroom over and over again!
First pour a poison vial in to the Pitboss's mug.
Hire a lumber.
Let it hit your boss once.
Let the Yesman do the rest.
Install Howlitzer type Vile into boss computer.
Boss sends e-mail and infects all computers.
Computers crash on, then into all.
Survivers now have bird flu.
Replace original shipment of supplies with Alphas
Go to work early
Release the Alpha Wolvers into workplace
Hide in vent to watch
Acquire firm with loan to Krogmo.
Distribute mist tanks containing lichen slime.
Knights merge into giant slime, destroying Coliseum and Haven.
Krogmo defaults on loan.
Go ask your boss to a party
then when he gets there offer fruit punch
then blow the whole thing up
with a Graviton Vortex
Get your boss to leave his office
grab a few Royal minis to throw at
watch your boss' face-WAIT,
can't see his face anymore!
Invite him over.
Tie him up and slice off his limbs, toes, and other things.
Proclaim your feelings about him. Feed him to the wolvers.
Drug boss with sleep vials. Tie him down.
Hire slags to burn his favorite ties until he desperately files resignation, in tears.
Laugh; continue burning.
Lock the enemy in a room
with you friend Carly Mewcat
wait for him to crack
if he never does, well
"giggles", hire someone else.
Gather as many scuttlebots as possible and remove their legs.
Replace every photocopier in the building with them.
Wait for somebody to lift the lid....
Convince boss to refocus the company on haze bomb production.
Watch his horrific expression when the update arrives.
Shareholders unhappy, he resigns.
Order fiends Iraq for war.
He will be huge debt.
Called developer for white house meeting.
Energy price raise like crazy due to inflation.
Give everybody a monster cage from teir 3
As an apology give them a trip to Almire (one way)
Tell them it's FREEZING over there.
Dress in Volcanic plate mail
Hide in Higher-ups closets
Watch them all die of heart attacks until you are CEO.
Kats have katty agendas.
Have our Desk Clerk schedule a meeting.
Emphasize free food.
I lied! It was a dark ritual for Cattywumpus!
Gadzooks, katastrophe!
Go to work with an army of lumbers
Request a 'private meeting'
Finally get that big promotion
Too bad your workplace is completely demolished
Order T3 Rocket Puppies for the office décor.
From a safe distance, watch coworkers unwrap the packages.
Bask in the sounds of terrified screaming.
Give Boss' wife a "wings'n poison" cake.
When he goes to graveyard, trap him by sabottaging the elevator.
Forget cherry bombs. GRAVITON bomb the office toilets!
Your boss can't fire you from the john - and he'll be there for a while!
Smuggle Beryl Greaver into the office, let it loose, then take shelter.
Coworkers fired for lack of productivity as they cannot work while shock spazzing!
put an sloombargo on your Pitboss chair
when he falls ASLEEP.
throw him to the "BLAST NETWORK" ARENA!
capture it with a vid.cam and upload! :D
have president Bush come to Cradle. Show him some oilers.
he will wage WAR for oil. intense war makes demands for king krogmos products plummet
1) Announce retroactive plan to force all under-performers to reimburse company for each piece of office furniture thrown.
2) Watch underlings panic
3) Evil laugh if appropriate
Hire Trojan Assassins,
Watch from afar as the trojans rip through the offices of your enemies,
No cubical will ever be safe again!
(1) /shout "Dogrock is STOOOOPID"
(2) Step1 Invokes the wrath of Allpowerful Dogrock's throwing arm...
(3) *Takes cover inside breakroom behind coworkers*
Replace devilite coworker's half eaten donut supply with half eaten donut holes.
Complete plan with half-eaten donut feast.
1. Tell boss if he hits the stuffed animal with a ball he wins a prize.
2. throw
3. Alpha wolver disappears and pops up your boss' ass.
Snipe him with a Magnus, Bounce him with a Shield.
Slash him with a Brandish, Consider yourself Banished.
Disguise Lumbar as tree
Give as present
When the lumbar attacks
Polaris
????
PROFIT
Send e-mail with an "Oiler" virus to your boss.
Watch as flamewalls set it on fire.
Screen shows: YOU ARE FIRED!
Hear your boss scream.
Friday night,
Fill office mailbox with Red and Purple mineral shards.
Get off work on Monday: blame fiend infestation.... hire cleaners.
Post a Nitronome disguised as
a Knight wearing Valkyrie armor on boss's wall.
Put some blast squares lying around.
Watch as boss's office blows up!
Go to work on saturday like everyone else,
bring radiant sun shards to office.
Be sure to wear a skolver coat.
Tell competitor it is "Wear your steam knight mask to work day.
Place stagger bombs everywhere.
Co-worker wears mask, everyone gets stunned. Promotion! Jelly co-worker?
Eat all the hot dogs you want
You will still be thin, but outside you're a big jelly fatness.
Hot dogs have feelings
Nothing the boss looks forward to more than sipping on the ol’ mug of misery.
Too bad about that dark briar barrage in his cup…
With the aid of a Mamga Driver, "negotiate" with boss.
kindly "accept" the company's Crowns,
and exhuast all his Energy.
Now run away....
Go to Lord Vanaduke's Place
Flood it with smoke detectors.
See his wife to slap him.
He quits his job.
Hit him with a crowbar.
Lure cronies into office filled with dozens of silkwings, and lock the door behind him.
Take delight in watching cronies go mad from endless honking.
Place a Mewkat in the worker's room.
Watch them go insane as they contemplate getting a few crowns or murdering an innocent Kat.
Hire eager young soul.
Unpaid overtime. All day, everyday.
Present boss with gift,
gift contains BlastNetwork mask,
mask is real bomb.
duck.
Remove safety gates in snipe day care.
Snipes roam free in office.<br.
Snipe poop grosses everyone out.
Company gets sued for snipe negligence(Snipeligence).
Research monster boxes
Discover slooms
Acknowledge everyone being defenseless against
EMPLOY, EMPLOY, EEEEEEEEMPLOOOOOOOOOOOY
Herd all snipes into Room
Proclaim petting zoo in haven 'boss' office'
Take half-day off during mass confusion.
Tell your bosses you've brought Enrique Iglesias to "perform" at their party.
Pull out your Glacius named Enrique.
Give them and their cake a frosting!
Place Radiant Sun Shards sideways on every office chair of people of higher rank then you.
Wait for cry's of pain.
Your the boss now!
Tired of having to fight brown-nosing yesmen for the corner office?
"Redecorate" the building with a few potted lumbers and watch your competition literally shrink!
Walk up to Judges
And yell
"COME AT ME BRO!!!"
1. Place oilers and timed explosive boxes in boss's office while cleaning cubicle.
2. Hit the last timed explosive.
3. Run.
Hack your boss' bank account.
send all his crowns to "Blast Cube" co.
give him package later
run out the room and hear the screams. :D
Plant Trojan on boss' computer.
Watch it crash.
After the Trojan's taken charge (get it?), stab it in the back and take over the company.
Replace boss's wallpaper with 'lichen.png'
Film reaction and post it on Youtube
?????
Profit!
Make King Krogmo organize a Corporation toast.
Replace drinks with fire vials.
Make a toast and watch.
Be clear with the message, conspirators get "fired".
Replace coffee supply: decaf.
Smear Zee Core across coffee filters.
Open sleeping coworkers' browsers: Faithbook, Scroogle+, YouNoob
Videos, Rebecca Black Fan Fiction.
Set as homepages.
Pour a little sleep vial into your Boss's mug,
Sprinkle a little blaze pepper on various body parts of his,
Watch him wake up.
1)capture snarbolax
2)rig cage to party button under office chair
3)remove all stun bells
4)boss and entire building is now pin cushion
Wait for, "Bring your pet to Work Day"
Build a Rocket puppy to bring to the office
Drop Rocket Puppy in office restrooms
????
Profit.
Purchase a love puppy disguise
Place rocket puppy disguised as love puppy at the boss' door
Ring the doorbell and run
Make a new coffee brew with lots of Blaze Peppers
Promote it
Spike the next batch with Nightshade in the evening
Take medical leave
Convince boss to buy shock traps for security.
Have traps spread around the office.
Order a dozen T3 quicksilvers.
Release quicksilvers in office.
Profit.
Crash the market.
Every fiend tpgets fired and turns into a devilitte.
When knights do a fiend theme their like wtf all these devilittes!
Unbind his gear and sell it.
Give away the remaining crowns and CE.
Take his position in the company as he has a nervous breakdown.
Encase all the junk on you co-workers desk in Slimes
Laugh as he watches in horror as his poor desk becomes a giant Lichen Colony!
Place explosives in grid-like fashion in server room
Hide as network is blasted
Devil-IT employees now working as Overtimers to clean up mess
Enter boss room
Throwing furiously with poison and curse vials
Watch him faint
Activate the Graviton Bomb
Leave him sink in black hole
Mawahhhaaa
Give Impostocube a new disguise that looks strikingly familiar to the Pit Boss.
Watch, as Yesmen waste there time sucking up to a gelatinous blob.
Inform your boss that Royal Jellies are being served tonight.
Invite your boss to your party.
Watch your boss die.
Kick your boss.
Drop all employee records from payroll database excluding yours and Krogmo's.
Delete all database users and change service account password.
GG.
Use Mug of Misery to make your boss' coffee,
Secretly add as many mini jellys as possible,
Watch his stomach explode after he drinks it.
Give boss Grand Faust for Birthday
Watch him die on curse
Revive to get 30% of his heat
jobless, you can play more SK now :D
slip some ruffles in your bosses coffee while he's totally dozed take him on an FSC run.
Feed blast bomb to mewkat.
Give to boss.
???
Profit!!!
Become the Yesman.
Place party button in Bossman's office when the bossman is getting coffee.
Watch the Trojan spawn and you become the new Bossman.
Wait till its boss' birthday
Give him cake with no fork
When he asks for one
Step back and throw him a pitchfork :D
Replace co-worker's office supplies with harmless plushie replicas.
Laugh as their attacks bounce harmlessly off furries invading the office.
Die horribly when furries notice you.
Host the annual Piercing Damage convention in the office and run to the elevator when the event starts..
Hack into bosses CPU, transfer all Crystal energy and crowns to Exotic Devilite Dancing Inc.
Send details to all employees, police,laugh like crazy!
Tell Vanaduke that your boss wants to fire Vanaduke.
Buy boss a "pet"
Bring him hungry pet Snarbolax
Vanaduke comes in at that moment.
Laugh.
Administer false termination notices to the Flame Howlitzer department.
Grin as they collect their 'severance pay'.
Everyone's fired!
Wait for company trip
Summon reapers on corporate jet
Enjoy chaos.
Winners
- ★★★★★Celebren, President of Vice
- ★★★★☆Sojuu, Senior Vice
- ★★★☆☆Harada, Junior Vice
- ★★☆☆☆Krystianna, Ad Vice
- ★☆☆☆☆Agentalbedo, De Vice
Wallpapers
2 Wallpaper arts included: Recipe for Success + King Krogmo's Kitchen
Move over Chef Ramsey, The King has taken over the kitchen!
Winning Entries[show]
