The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare

The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare is a player-run forum event.

Hosted by the Obsidian Guild to herald the arrival of King Krogmo's Coliseum.

King Krogmo did not get to the top of the corporate Coliseum ladder by good looks alone!

Here's your chance to devise a deliciously evil office warfare tactic to annihilate the competition and help King Krogmo retain his corporeal Coliseum corporation from scheming underlings.

Details

In one short paragraph of 25 words or less, construct an original evil plan to annihilate, subjugate, eradicate, irradiate, prank or otherwise embarrass corporate cronies into submission. Dogrock of EoS notes the importance of short plans as long monologues give your cronies time to lob office furniture and half eaten donuts at you. Evil plan MUST be Spiral Knights themed. See TheBadger's example below.

Please keep your submission within the Spiral Knights TOS or your submission will get nuked by a GM or disqualified by the judges.

One submission only please as The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare Wiki as well as our data entry devilites may explode.

Entries are only accepted through the official Spiral Knights forum link: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/18907

Eligibility

This competition is open to all knights. Only knights are eligible for prizes. Three Rings staff may tender suggestions at their own risk.

Deadline - Winner's Announced

Thursday, September 1, 2011 - CLOSED

Judges

• Raspberry
• TheBadger
• Eurydice

Judging Criteria

• 50 points Evilness
• 25 points Originality and creativity
• 25 points Following details
• -1000 points Trolling the competition or pestering the judges

Judging Phase

• 1-3 weeks

Dependent on the volume of submissions received, real life schedules of the judges, and the few days it takes to stage and create a wallpaper of the winning entry. The wallpaper phase includes training inexperienced monsters into Academy Award actors and field testing evil office tactics on TheBadger.

Rewards

★★★★★President of Vice Receives:

• 1500 CE Salary
• Illustrious Wallpaper Illustration

Vice Management Receives:

• ★★★★☆Senior Vice ~ 500 CE Salary
• ★★★☆☆Junior Vice ~ 400 CE Salary
• ★★☆☆☆Ad Vice ~ 300 CE Salary
• ★☆☆☆☆De Vice ~ 200 CE Salary

Tactics for Success

All office tactics will eventually be sorted alphabetically by the IGN(or forum name, if IGN wasn't given) of the submitter.

Winning Entries

Celebren, President of Vice
Kill Ultra Blast Cube.
Quickly insert explosive blobs in airtight little cups.
Leave in communal fridge with note:
"I made grape jell-o for everyone, enjoy! <3"

Sojuu, Senior Vice
Purchase a love puppy disguise
Place rocket puppy disguised as love puppy at the boss' door
Ring the doorbell and run

Harada, Junior Vice
Gather as many scuttlebots as possible and remove their legs.
Replace every photocopier in the building with them.
Wait for somebody to lift the lid....

Krystianna, Ad Vice
1) Announce retroactive plan to force all under-performers to reimburse company for each piece of office furniture thrown.
2) Watch underlings panic
3) Evil laugh if appropriate

Agentalbedo, De Vice
Hire a horde of success driven, idealistic Zombies as unpaid interns.
Acquire a Grim Totem.
Work them to death.
Chuckle as they revive.

A

Adderone

Fill Lord Vanaduke's coffee with sewage sludge.
Leave classic "HAHA UR STOOPID" note signed with the competitors' signatures (fake, of course).
Watch the fireworks.
Profit.

Agentalbedo

Hire a horde of success driven, idealistic Zombies as unpaid interns.
Acquire a Grim Totem.
Work them to death.
Chuckle as they revive.

Akuma

The boss confronts knights,
yes men in elevator,
hit "down", the boss dies.

Arca

Order a Sloom and Oilers.
Catapult Sloom onto boss' face and set him asleep.
Cover office in oil. Burn everything.
Record boss' horrified awakening.

Armerio

Needed: Almirian Seal, Vanaduke
Steal an Almirian Seal from Vanaduke
Give it to boss.
Tell Vanaduke
Watch that mace swing. Ha.

Aroxian

Replace Pit Boss' coffee with a mixture of volt oil and Phial of Phear.
Encourage Pit Boss' to share their coffee with everyone.
Run.

Aviticus

My weapon brings those hungry avid for desire comes with heavy price and yet my shield holds with extreme face bring laughter but left soulless.

Axeslicer

knock out boss with an iron slug loaded with pellets.
put him in a cage with two rabbid wolvers.
enjoy the satisfaction of his pain.

B

Beastlikethat

Set several bombs in your boss's office.
In the confusion have him murder 50 innocent Mewkats.>:D
Laugh as he commit suicide.
Take his precious belongings.

BigFootM

Gather all "Yesmen"
Go to Nick's office.
When he ask somebody something call him up and say YES!
Annoy him to death.
Throw pitchforks.

Biomechanika

Invite higher company members to "Boss Appreciation Event".
Charge higher-up's accounts with "party expenses", for millions.
Fill large event cake with Devilites.
Offer cake.

Bopp

While your boss is trying to get work done,
repeatedly drop Nitronomes,
so that he can't see what he's doing.
Eventually he will simply quit.

C

Celebren

Kill Ultra Blast Cube.
Quickly insert explosive blobs in airtight little cups.
Leave in communal fridge with note:
"I made grape jell-o for everyone, enjoy! <3"

Coneykrab

Kiss feet until you get the yes-man position
Earn the complete trust of the boss
Kill him with kindness

Corse

Set a blue box in blast network field.
Just as session starts destroy box.
See Krogmo scream as field walls disappear.

Cytrixx

Explain the clockworks IN DETAIL (scary)
Also replace all office furniture with worthless Ecto drops (sad)

D

DarthAlpha

Distract the boss.
Install Spiral Knight on his PC while he is distracted, with run on start up.
S\he will become a SK loving zombie!!!

Dilbert77

1. sneak sloom into boss's office
2. make sure sloom attacks
3. while boss sleeps, replace his mug with mug of misery
4. avoid misfortune by calling in sick

Dukesky

Replace coffee pot with used motor oil.
Fill water cooler with hot tamale sauce.
Record it all on video.
Profit ?! ....

E

Eradicats

Learn Old Management pays negative wages, no overtime
Find compromising pictures of old CEOgre on Obsidian+ (a social networking site)
....Blackmail is a powerful thing.

F

Fehzor

Replace stapler with repainted catalyzer.
Watch the boss obliterate his important documents and injure himself in the explosions to follow.

Final-Crescendo

Gather coworkers for a "game":
Catch a ball in a funnel held in player's mouth.
When Boss tries playing, pour Fire Vial down the funnel.

Flists

Mix Impostocube and Toxigel to make disguised laxative jelly.
Hand to the boss; watch as he runs to the bathroom over and over again!

Forever

First pour a poison vial in to the Pitboss's mug.
Hire a lumber.
Let it hit your boss once.
Let the Yesman do the rest.

Forteds

Install Howlitzer type Vile into boss computer.
Boss sends e-mail and infects all computers.
Computers crash on, then into all.
Survivers now have bird flu.

G

Gimpyo

Replace original shipment of supplies with Alphas
Go to work early
Release the Alpha Wolvers into workplace
Hide in vent to watch

Gllang

Acquire firm with loan to Krogmo.
Distribute mist tanks containing lichen slime.
Knights merge into giant slime, destroying Coliseum and Haven.
Krogmo defaults on loan.

Greenlightning

Go ask your boss to a party
then when he gets there offer fruit punch
then blow the whole thing up
with a Graviton Vortex

Grittle

Get your boss to leave his office
grab a few Royal minis to throw at
watch your boss' face-WAIT,
can't see his face anymore!

Guardianknight

Invite him over.
Tie him up and slice off his limbs, toes, and other things.
Proclaim your feelings about him. Feed him to the wolvers.

Guhnom

Drug boss with sleep vials. Tie him down.
Hire slags to burn his favorite ties until he desperately files resignation, in tears.
Laugh; continue burning.

H

Halisi

Lock the enemy in a room
with you friend Carly Mewcat
wait for him to crack
if he never does, well
"giggles", hire someone else.

Harada

Gather as many scuttlebots as possible and remove their legs.
Replace every photocopier in the building with them.
Wait for somebody to lift the lid....

Helloxo

Convince boss to refocus the company on haze bomb production.
Watch his horrific expression when the update arrives.
Shareholders unhappy, he resigns.

I

Icycloud

Order fiends Iraq for war.
He will be huge debt.
Called developer for white house meeting.
Energy price raise like crazy due to inflation.

Indigoraven

Give everybody a monster cage from teir 3
As an apology give them a trip to Almire (one way)
Tell them it's FREEZING over there.

Itep

Dress in Volcanic plate mail
Hide in Higher-ups closets
Watch them all die of heart attacks until you are CEO.

Ithios

Kats have katty agendas.
Have our Desk Clerk schedule a meeting.
Emphasize free food.
I lied! It was a dark ritual for Cattywumpus!
Gadzooks, katastrophe!

J

Janem

Go to work with an army of lumbers
Request a 'private meeting'
Finally get that big promotion
Too bad your workplace is completely demolished

Jazelock

Order T3 Rocket Puppies for the office décor.
From a safe distance, watch coworkers unwrap the packages.
Bask in the sounds of terrified screaming.

Juances

Give Boss' wife a "wings'n poison" cake.
When he goes to graveyard, trap him by sabottaging the elevator.

K

Kaiseryoshi

Forget cherry bombs. GRAVITON bomb the office toilets!
Your boss can't fire you from the john - and he'll be there for a while!

Katmint

Smuggle Beryl Greaver into the office, let it loose, then take shelter.
Coworkers fired for lack of productivity as they cannot work while shock spazzing!

Knightmovez

put an sloombargo on your Pitboss chair
when he falls ASLEEP.
throw him to the "BLAST NETWORK" ARENA!
capture it with a vid.cam and upload! :D

Kriptoid

have president Bush come to Cradle. Show him some oilers.
he will wage WAR for oil. intense war makes demands for king krogmos products plummet

Krystianna

1) Announce retroactive plan to force all under-performers to reimburse company for each piece of office furniture thrown.
2) Watch underlings panic
3) Evil laugh if appropriate

Kuger

Hire Trojan Assassins,
Watch from afar as the trojans rip through the offices of your enemies,
No cubical will ever be safe again!

Kurapika

(1) /shout "Dogrock is STOOOOPID"
(2) Step1 Invokes the wrath of Allpowerful Dogrock's throwing arm...
(3) *Takes cover inside breakroom behind coworkers*

Kyosokun

Replace devilite coworker's half eaten donut supply with half eaten donut holes.
Complete plan with half-eaten donut feast.

L

Lavium

1. Tell boss if he hits the stuffed animal with a ball he wins a prize.
2. throw
3. Alpha wolver disappears and pops up your boss' ass.

leeroy_j

Snipe him with a Magnus, Bounce him with a Shield.
Slash him with a Brandish, Consider yourself Banished.

Lethalconcept

Disguise Lumbar as tree
Give as present
When the lumbar attacks
Polaris
????
PROFIT

Lordofnecromancers

Send e-mail with an "Oiler" virus to your boss.
Watch as flamewalls set it on fire.
Screen shows: YOU ARE FIRED!
Hear your boss scream.

M

MattxAus

Friday night,
Fill office mailbox with Red and Purple mineral shards.
Get off work on Monday: blame fiend infestation.... hire cleaners.

michael99 (forum name)

Post a Nitronome disguised as
a Knight wearing Valkyrie armor on boss's wall.
Put some blast squares lying around.
Watch as boss's office blows up!

Migake

Go to work on saturday like everyone else,
bring radiant sun shards to office.
Be sure to wear a skolver coat.

Miseryman

Tell competitor it is "Wear your steam knight mask to work day.
Place stagger bombs everywhere.
Co-worker wears mask, everyone gets stunned. Promotion! Jelly co-worker?

Moogy

Eat all the hot dogs you want
You will still be thin, but outside you're a big jelly fatness.
Hot dogs have feelings

N

Narfle

Nothing the boss looks forward to more than sipping on the ol’ mug of misery.
Too bad about that dark briar barrage in his cup…

Necrax

With the aid of a Mamga Driver, "negotiate" with boss.
kindly "accept" the company's Crowns,
and exhuast all his Energy.
Now run away....

Needs

Step one. Hire Corporate Mundo.
Step two. Your done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiBtoqoCzAM

Ninjajpbob

Go to Lord Vanaduke's Place
Flood it with smoke detectors.
See his wife to slap him.
He quits his job.
Hit him with a crowbar.

Nordic-Oten

Lure cronies into office filled with dozens of silkwings, and lock the door behind him.
Take delight in watching cronies go mad from endless honking.

NinjaKnight

Place a Mewkat in the worker's room.
Watch them go insane as they contemplate getting a few crowns or murdering an innocent Kat.

O

Originality

Hire eager young soul.
Unpaid overtime. All day, everyday.

OrangeHero

Present boss with gift,
gift contains BlastNetwork mask,
mask is real bomb.
duck.

P

Palma

Remove safety gates in snipe day care.
Snipes roam free in office.<br. Snipe poop grosses everyone out.
Company gets sued for snipe negligence(Snipeligence).

Paweu

Research monster boxes
Discover slooms
Acknowledge everyone being defenseless against
EMPLOY, EMPLOY, EEEEEEEEMPLOOOOOOOOOOOY

Philidor

Herd all snipes into Room
Proclaim petting zoo in haven 'boss' office'
Take half-day off during mass confusion.

R

Raffoon

Tell your bosses you've brought Enrique Iglesias to "perform" at their party.
Pull out your Glacius named Enrique.
Give them and their cake a frosting!

Rangerwill

Place Radiant Sun Shards sideways on every office chair of people of higher rank then you.
Wait for cry's of pain.
Your the boss now!

RedHawkOne

Tired of having to fight brown-nosing yesmen for the corner office?
"Redecorate" the building with a few potted lumbers and watch your competition literally shrink!

S

Selenthon

Walk up to Judges
And yell
"COME AT ME BRO!!!"

Sevinoss

1. Place oilers and timed explosive boxes in boss's office while cleaning cubicle.
2. Hit the last timed explosive.
3. Run.

Shadownox

Hack your boss' bank account.
send all his crowns to "Blast Cube" co.
give him package later
run out the room and hear the screams. :D

Schattentag

Plant Trojan on boss' computer.
Watch it crash.
After the Trojan's taken charge (get it?), stab it in the back and take over the company.

Shoebox

Replace boss's wallpaper with 'lichen.png'
Film reaction and post it on Youtube
?????
Profit!

Silfrith

Make King Krogmo organize a Corporation toast.
Replace drinks with fire vials.
Make a toast and watch.
Be clear with the message, conspirators get "fired".

Skrumm

Replace coffee supply: decaf.
Smear Zee Core across coffee filters.
Open sleeping coworkers' browsers: Faithbook, Scroogle+, YouNoob Videos, Rebecca Black Fan Fiction.
Set as homepages.

Smur

Pour a little sleep vial into your Boss's mug,
Sprinkle a little blaze pepper on various body parts of his,
Watch him wake up.

Smurfinater

1)capture snarbolax
2)rig cage to party button under office chair
3)remove all stun bells
4)boss and entire building is now pin cushion

Snarfalarkus

Wait for, "Bring your pet to Work Day"
Build a Rocket puppy to bring to the office
Drop Rocket Puppy in office restrooms
????
Profit.

Sojuu

Purchase a love puppy disguise
Place rocket puppy disguised as love puppy at the boss' door
Ring the doorbell and run

Sophiera

Make a new coffee brew with lots of Blaze Peppers
Promote it
Spike the next batch with Nightshade in the evening
Take medical leave

Sorrel-Kastor

Convince boss to buy shock traps for security.
Have traps spread around the office.
Order a dozen T3 quicksilvers.
Release quicksilvers in office.
Profit.

Soulstaker

Crash the market.
Every fiend tpgets fired and turns into a devilitte.
When knights do a fiend theme their like wtf all these devilittes!

Spadger

Unbind his gear and sell it.
Give away the remaining crowns and CE.
Take his position in the company as he has a nervous breakdown.

Splinter

Encase all the junk on you co-workers desk in Slimes
Laugh as he watches in horror as his poor desk becomes a giant Lichen Colony!

Srsbznsinternet

Place explosives in grid-like fashion in server room
Hide as network is blasted
Devil-IT employees now working as Overtimers to clean up mess

Superawesomeknight

Enter boss room
Throwing furiously with poison and curse vials
Watch him faint
Activate the Graviton Bomb
Leave him sink in black hole
Mawahhhaaa

Svsniper

Give Impostocube a new disguise that looks strikingly familiar to the Pit Boss.
Watch, as Yesmen waste there time sucking up to a gelatinous blob.

Swtdrgn

Inform your boss that Royal Jellies are being served tonight.
Invite your boss to your party.
Watch your boss die.
Kick your boss.

Syphus

Drop all employee records from payroll database excluding yours and Krogmo's.
Delete all database users and change service account password.
GG.

T

Turtle-Ninja

Use Mug of Misery to make your boss' coffee,
Secretly add as many mini jellys as possible,
Watch his stomach explode after he drinks it.

V

Vtwo

Give boss Grand Faust for Birthday
Watch him die on curse
Revive to get 30% of his heat
jobless, you can play more SK now :D

Vexon

slip some ruffles in your bosses coffee while he's totally dozed take him on an FSC run.

W

Wfawwer

Feed blast bomb to mewkat.
Give to boss.
???
Profit!!!

Wodanct

Become the Yesman.
Place party button in Bossman's office when the bossman is getting coffee.
Watch the Trojan spawn and you become the new Bossman.

Wonderwaffles

Wait till its boss' birthday
Give him cake with no fork
When he asks for one
Step back and throw him a pitchfork :D

X

Xiax

Replace co-worker's office supplies with harmless plushie replicas.
Laugh as their attacks bounce harmlessly off furries invading the office.
Die horribly when furries notice you.

Xplad

Host the annual Piercing Damage convention in the office and run to the elevator when the event starts..

Xuezhou

Hack into bosses CPU, transfer all Crystal energy and crowns to Exotic Devilite Dancing Inc.
Send details to all employees, police,laugh like crazy!

Xylka

Tell Vanaduke that your boss wants to fire Vanaduke.
Buy boss a "pet"
Bring him hungry pet Snarbolax
Vanaduke comes in at that moment.
Laugh.

Y

Yaemiir

Administer false termination notices to the Flame Howlitzer department.
Grin as they collect their 'severance pay'.
Everyone's fired!

Z

Zanoni

Wait for company trip
Summon reapers on corporate jet
Enjoy chaos.

Winners

• ★★★★★Celebren, President of Vice
• ★★★★☆Sojuu, Senior Vice
• ★★★☆☆Harada, Junior Vice
• ★★☆☆☆Krystianna, Ad Vice
• ★☆☆☆☆Agentalbedo, De Vice

Wallpapers

2 Wallpaper arts included: Recipe for Success + King Krogmo's Kitchen
Move over Chef Ramsey, The King has taken over the kitchen!