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| − | {{GuildInfo
| + | [[Category:Guilds|retired]] |
| − | | [[File:http://i44.tinypic.com/2vngmcm.png]]
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| − | | name = Hat Simulator | + | |
| − | | motto = The greatest hat simulator since TF2!
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| − | | founder = [[User:DoctahWahwee|DoctahWahwee]]
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| − | | masters =
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| − | *[[User:DoctahWahwee|DoctahWahwee (Dr. Wily/Doc/Sky/Woodpecker)]]
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| − | *[[User:Whimsicality|Whimsicality (Whimsy)]]
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| − | *Edontsu (Ed)
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| − | *Betelgeuse (Betel)
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| − | | officers =
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| − | *Sodenomai (Soda)
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| − | *Krispycake (Krispy)
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| − | *Zekeyspaceylizard (A lizard)
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| − | *Ema-The-Vampire (Ema)
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| − | *Iggythebro (Iggy)
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| − | *Eadid
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| − | *Siervos (Sie)
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| − | *Vaati (Veggie/Toni)
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| − | | pop = # 90
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| − | }}
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| − | == Welcome to Hats! Not get out! ==
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| − | ''"I buy hats, I am better than you!"'' ~Hatted Man
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| − | It looks like you've stumbled upon our humble guild page! Guess I might as well tell you what's up. We here at Hat Simulator have one key mission to take; Obtain hats. We live for hats, we breathe hats, we eat hats, we die for hats. Who is going to stop us? You? PSSH! Oh, and there's some stuff that involves [[Basil|unlocking Cradle's secrets]] and [[Royal Jelly|ending royal blood lines]]. Maybe even a bit of [[Lord Vanaduke|lovely bullet dodging]] here and there.
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| − | Wait. You do the same thing?
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| − | Well, we have ''hats!''
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| − | We're absolutely amazing, sporting an entire cast of top-notch knights all wielding gear just as top-notch! Oh, and don't forget about our amazing bombers and gunslingers, swordmasters, and yes, even shieldbearers! But really, we here at Hat Simulator just want to have fun. We hope you do too!
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| − | ''... For the sake of us all.''
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| − | ''... in lulz we trust.''
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| − | == ... Are you kidding me? ==
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| − | In all seriousness; Hat Simulator is a lulzy guild, looking to bring the Spiral Knights community the laughter and joy they deserve. If you want a chill guild, where you can unleash your daily lulz, then simulating hats is the best option for you.
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| − | Please be warned; we do not take this game seriously. This guild is NOT for people who take this game seriously, nor is it for people who can't take a joke.
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| − | While we aren't a guild to take this game seriously because... well, it's a GAME; we are still a very active, and err... friendly guild! No seriously. We're adorable. You'll wanna hug us and have our children.
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| − | == 3? ==
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| − | 3
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| − | == How do I get in? Not that I want to... ==
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| − | We are like some guilds, we are like others. But hey, we're like a big and happy family! Here's the lowdown on how things work around here. It's so easy, a [[Punch|jacked-up Gremlin]] can do it! Don't be afraid just because we want ''decent'' people. <s>We don't discriminate</s>. We're here to have fun, but we're not here to '''die'''. <s>[[Basil|Or are we?]]</s>
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| − | '''Gear''' -
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| − | <s>2*</s> 3* Equipment is the bare minimum to get in. We don't want anyone flinging their [[Proto Gun]] in our faces... For the most part. <s>Of course, the guild master might just happen to be ''a little'' biased, and will let someone in if they're a good enough friend.</s> We frown upon bias!
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| − | '''Literacy''' -
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| − | It sounds silly, yes, but you need to be able to type/speak properly. If you don't know how to type, please take typing lessons and possibly stuff your face with some Eggo's.
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| − | If we can't understand you, we don't want you here.
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| − | '''R.E.S.P.E.C.T.''' -
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| − | Looks like this isn't clear enough. Either settle your arguments like adults, or get the hell out.
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| − | '''Dedication''' -
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| − | You must love hats. It helps if you have [[Skelly Mask|Skelly]] [[Jelly Mail|Jelly]].
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| − | '''Humor''' - Learn to take a joke, we don't appreciate butthurt people. Or you CAN be butthurt, and simply provide the rest of the members with more lulz about how butthurt you are.
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| − | '''Skelly Jelly''' - /look /look /look
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| − | == What're the rules for this dump? ==
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| − | * There are no rules.
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| − | * Do not simulate hats with anyone else.
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| − | * Do not be butthurt.
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| − | * We don't want drama, dang it.
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| − | * Do '''NOT''' disrespect other members. ''But this should be a given.''
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| − | * Mintsdale owes everyone something. No exceptions.
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| − | *The exceptions to exceptions is exceptional. Except upon exceptions.
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| − | *Ed is mostly just there to look pretty. But call him a girl and he'll invite you to a vana run just to kill you.
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| − | *Doc is adorkable.
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| − | == Who should I look out for? ==
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| − | Glad you asked! We here at Hat Simulator have <s>not enough patience</s> far too many people to even begin saying how amazing they all are, but here's a <s>biased listing</s> select few members that stand out!
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| − | {{showhide|Notable Members|content=
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| − | *Crustycrab
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| − | *Avidlebon
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| − | *Mintsdale
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| − | *Mumalot
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| − | *Saber-XP
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| − | *Zangrious
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| − | *Noork
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| − | *Sxbig
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| − | *Soft-Tail
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| − | *Krecka
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| − | *Tealcat
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| − | *PrincessCatrina
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| − | *I'LL ADD MORE LATER
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| − | *}}
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| − | Of course, there's so much more!
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| − | == How do I fit in with the guild? ==
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| − | Okay, here we go! First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn’t bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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| − | == Okay, seriously now, how are we ranked? ==
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| − | '''Recruit'''
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| − | Fresh meat, new blood, yeah, sounds about right. You can prove your worth by sticking around and mingling with the guildies. This is your chance to back out, but not like you'd want to! Ya stay this for two days.
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| − | '''Member'''
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| − | Hey, you've been around a week or so! Amazing job! Now just get out there and keep on working. On what? Simulating hats, of course! Wear your hats proudly. You'll be here for some time.
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| − | '''Veteran'''
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| − | For you <s>cheaters</s> hard working folks with great skill, you'll be acknowledged as a beautiful simulator of hats and obtain this rank. Upon getting to this rank more is expected of you.
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| − | '''Officer'''
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| − | At the discretion of the Guild Masters. You are the cream of the crop. You've simulated more hats than anyone can ever begin to imagine. Your skill is incomprehensible. We love you. Most positions are filled.
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| − | '''Guild Master'''
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| − | Don't expect this to be handed out like [[Token|candies]]. You gotta be someone ''really'' special to get this spot. And no, what your parents tell you won't count. Only through dedication to hats can one achieve this, or when I'm feeling bias.
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| − | == Trivial things? Oh dear... ==
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| − | Every guild needs to have a list of things that nobody really cares about! That's the point of trivia sections, to say things that ''somebody'' might find interesting!
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| − | {{showhide|Here we go!|content=
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| − | * Doctahwahwee and PrincessCatrina married in a pile of [[Royal Jelly Palace|royal jelly.]] Little did they know what impact it would have on the guild.
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| − | * Mintsdale had an unfortunate run-in of the bad kind with an [[Alpha Wolver]].
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| − | * Hats has bronies.
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| − | * Hats has anti-bronies.
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| − | * Most members probably play TF2.
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| − | * Whimsicality hates TF2.
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| − | * Shitstorms are imminent.
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| − | * Ema-The-Vampire is married to the [[Snarbolax]].
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| − | * Her relations with the [[Snarbolax]] may just be what caused [[Rabid Snarbolax|an unfortunate infection.]]
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| − | * Shadow Lairs? How's about a walk in the park instead.
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| − | * Doctahwahwee and Whimsicality are often seen shrugging at eachother. For no reason.
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| − | * <s>Ed is too busy with Skyrim.</s>
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| − | * [[Skelly Mask|Skelly]]-[[Jelly Mail|Jelly]] raids are a frequent occurrence.
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| − | * These trivia facts need more Hats.
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| − | * It is written <s>only Link can defeat Ganon</s> that Ema-The-Vampire is also a Ghost Buster. That must be explain why she wears [[Authentic Spookat Mask|that hideous mask...]] Who're you gonna call?
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| − | * Remember when we said nobody was going to bother with accessories? Yeah, we kinda lied.
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| − | * <s>Whimsy just LOVES Flareons.</s>
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| − | * Apparently, Bechamel is Doc's husband. Their engagement ring is a donut.
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| − | * Betelgeuse and Doc can never agree on anything. Even if they agree on it.
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| − | * Ed is always confused.
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| − | * Everyone wants to violate and touch Doc. EVERYONE. This often results in him /cry-ing and running away, in which he is then chased down, and violated some more.
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| − | * it was a monday night in the woods she is and alpha female and has black and her teeth were sharper than pirahna teeth and her eyes were red it was cold and windy and she was walking near a creek and i was standing tall and straight with pride i looked about 18
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| − | }}
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| − | == These images make my stomach turn. ==
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| − | HURR DURR WORK-IN-PROGRESS
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| − | <gallery>
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| − | Image:hatsimguildphoto1.png| Taken November 21st, 2011.
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| − | Image:hatsimguildphoto2.png| Taken November 29th, 2011.
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| − | Image:hatsimguildphoto3.png| Taken December 28th, 2011.
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| − | Image:HatSimPigtailTrain.jpg| Pig tail train!
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| − | Image:hatsimslumberparty1.jpg| Narcolepsy? What's th-- /sleep
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| − | Image:hatsimskellyjelly1.png| We're Skelly Jelly and we know it.
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| − | Image:hatsimspiralspy.png| We love you, [[User:Ailment|Ailment]].
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| − | Image:Filler.png| Filler Text
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| − | </gallery>
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| − | == How do I get the snowball achievement? ==
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| − | You hit "Fill it up".
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| − | == Where do I mine for hat? ==
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| − | You still hit "Fill it up".
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| − | == Shameless Copypasta is Shameless ==
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| − | ''"Horses are stupid. I'm sorry, they just look hideous."''
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| − | <br><b>- Doc</b>
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| − | ''"Quit complaining about 'Shock' ruining your 'knockback' and getting hit because of it. It's your own stupid fault for not knowing how to block."''
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| − | <br><b>- Doc</b>
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| − | ''"I am a pretty lady!"''
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| − | <br><b>- Whimsy</b>
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| − | ''"I told you not to be stupid, you moron!"''
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| − | <br><b>- Doc</b>
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| − | ''Ema-the-Vampire: Snarby's my husband. Do not judge me.
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| − | <br>''DoctahWahwee: Well, that WOULD explain why he went rabid.''
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| − | <br>''DoctahWahwee: Do you have AIDS, Ema?''
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| − | <br><b>- How Rabid Snarbolax was formed.</b>
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