Dunkshire (Guild)

Hat Simulator

The greatest hat simulator since TF2! Guild Founder: DoctahWahwee Approx. Population: # 88 Guild Master(s): DoctahWahwee Edontsu Whimsicality Guild Officer(s): PrincessCatrina Ceelogreen Crustycrab Mintsdale Noork Vaati

What is this sewage on my screen?

"I buy hats! I am better than you!" ~Hatted Man

It looks like you've stumbled upon our humble guild page! Guess I might as well tell you what's up. We here at Hat Simulator have one key mission to take; Obtain hats. We live for hats, we breathe hats, we eat hats, we die for hats. Who is going to stop us? Proxima? PSSH! Oh, and there's some stuff that involves unlocking Cradle's secrets and ending royal blood lines. Maybe even a bit of lovely bullet dodging here and there.

Wait. You do the same thing?

Well, we have hats!

We're absolutely amazing, sporting an entire cast of top-notch knights all wielding gear just as top-notch! Oh, and don't forget about our amazing bombers and gunslingers, swordmasters, and yes, even shieldbearers! But really, we here at Hat Simulator just want to have fun. We hope you do too!

... For the sake of us all.

... Are you kidding me?

In all seriousness; Hat Simulator is a lulzy guild, looking to bring the Spiral Knights community the laughter and joy they deserve. If you want a chill guild, where you can unleash your daily lulz, then simulating hats is the best option for you.

Please be warned; we do not take this game seriously. This guild is NOT for people who take this game seriously, nor is it for people who can't take a joke.

While we aren't a guild to take this game seriously because... well, it's a GAME; we are still a very active, and err... friendly guild! No seriously. We're adorable. You'll wanna hug us and have our children.

3?

3

What about 4?

No, 3.

How do I get in? Not that I want to...

We are like some guilds, we are like others. But hey, we're like a big and happy family! Here's the lowdown on how things work around here. It's so easy, a jacked-up Gremlin can do it! Don't be afraid just because we want decent people. We don't discriminate. We're here to have fun, but we're not here to die. Or are we?

Gear - 2* 3* Equipment is the bare minimum to get in. We don't want anyone flinging their Proto Gun in our faces... For the most part. Of course, the guild master might just happen to be a little biased, and will let someone in if they're a good enough friend. We frown upon bias!

Literacy - It sounds silly, yes, but you need to be able to type/speak properly. If you don't know how to type, please take typing lessons and possibly stuff your face with some Eggo's. If we can't understand you, we don't want you here.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Looks like this isn't clear enough. Either settle your arguments like adults, or get the hell out. We don't want your childish fights causing any more members to leave.

Dedication - You must love hats. It helps if you have Skelly Jelly.

Humor - Learn to take a joke, we don't appreciate butthurt people. Or you CAN be butthurt, and simply provide the rest of the members with more lulz about how butthurt you are.

Skelly Jelly - /look /look /look

What're the rules for this dump?

• There are no rules.

• Do not simulate hats with anyone else.

• Do not be butthurt.

• We don't want drama, dang it.

• Do NOT disrespect other members. But this should be a given.

• Whimsicality is your supreme overlord.

• Mintsdale owes everyone something. No exceptions.

Who should I look out for?

Glad you asked! We here at Hat Simulator have not enough patience far too many people to even begin saying how amazing they all are, but here's a biased listing select few members that stand out!

Of course, there's so much more!

How do I fit in with the guild?

Here we go! First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn’t bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. tl;dr Have fun.

Okay, seriously now, how are we ranked?

Recruit

Fresh meat, new blood, yeah, sounds about right. We welcome you warmly upon your acceptance in the guild. You can prove your worth by sticking around and mingling with the guildies. This is your chance to back out, but not like you'd want to!

Member

Hey, you've been around a week or so! Amazing job! Now just get out there and keep on working. On what? Simulating hats, of course! Wear your hats proudly.

Veteran

For you cheaters hard working folks with great skill, you'll be acknowledged as a beautiful simulator of hats and obtain this rank.

Officer

At the discretion of the Guild Masters. You are the cream of the crop. You've simulated more hats than anyone can ever begin to imagine. Your skill is incomprehensible. We love you.

Guild Master

Don't expect this to be handed out like candies. You gotta be someone really special to get this spot. And no, what your parents tell you won't count.

Trivial things? Oh dear...

Every guild needs to have a list of things that nobody really cares about! That's the point of trivia sections, to say things that somebody might find interesting!

These images make my stomach turn.

HURR DURR WORK-IN-PROGRESS

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  Taken November 21st, 2011.

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  Taken November 29th, 2011.

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  Pig tail train!

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  Narcolepsy? What's th-- /sleep

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  We're Skelly Jelly and we know it.

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  Filler Text

How do I get the snowball achievement?

You hit "Fill it up".