Revision as of 08:06, 8 July 2012

Dr. Thadeus Durr Derpenstien

Do no harm... Unless you want to. Click 'er in the ticker, blow 'm in the dome. Class Undeadeye Specialization Tech, Guns, and Large Swords Weapon of Choice Low Orbit Ion Cannon Pointer (Polaris) Profession Doctor Antique Collector Interdimensional Timelord Muffin Enthusiast Loadouts Schizophrenia Guns and Bullets Vanaderp Guild Elements of Harmony Favourite Ponies Derpy Hooves (waifu) Twilight Sparkle Everypony else Expertise Undead Constructs Slimes Gremlins

About

I don't think you'll be needing that... Or that... Or any of this... Dr. Derpenstien to his latest "patient"

Oh, sorry about that. I didn't know that was your muffin, doctor. Famous last words

You don't want to know where this is going...

Go by Thadeus, Thade, Derpy, Derp, Durr, Doctor, Doc, Dr. D., Etc... (Not really Etc... Who would be refereed to as that? That's just silly.) I can be serious at some times... Key word "some". And this is most definitely not one of those times. You want some serious? Look at some actual events in story-like format down there.

Knights of Equestria

As one of the very many bronies in Spiral Knights, I was part of the Knights of Equestria, the first of many brony guilds on Spiral Knights. All of them are avid pony fans. Some of them more then others (like me). Look them up if you're interested, everything you need to know is on the wiki page. No guarantee you'll get in immediately though: To my knowledge, they are full to capacity pretty much all the time.

Traveler's Log

The Gloaming Wildwoods

"It hasn't even been ten minutes since I've entered this strange forest, and already the sun is gone. It wasn't long after noon that I first descended in the elevator to this odd place. I could clearly see it on my way down... But now..." *howls heard in the background* "There it is again! Since I came here, all I've heard is that haunting howl, and that shadowy beast I keep catching glimpses of must be it's source... Perhaps IT is the reason the recon teams never made it back... At least Alpha Squad made it through okay to my knowledge, but..." *growling and barking in background* "More of these annoying Wolvers..." *squelching sound, quickly followed by yelps* "This thicket is filled with these creatures... Full of them! Every time I turn around-" *growls, followed by scuffle in background, sound of recorder hitting ground* "GAAAHH! Bloody- UUURGH! *yelp, followed by squelching and crunching noise* *huff huff* "Well..." *sounds of patting on armour* "At least they're only thick headed metaphorically speaking... But they make such a mess..." *howls heard again* "In any case, I should be close now... A confrontation is coming, I can FEEL it..."

Royal Jelly Palace

"My studies in the Jelly kind have brought me to this rather... Odd place. A castle of sorts, run down and broken, it's swarming with the gelatinous breeds. This trek will no doubt aid in my research... But that is not the only reason I came. More recon teams have gone missing, and much larger ones then in the case of that brutish Snarbolax... A rather odd creature... Steeling itself in darkness to defend itself, only the purity of a chiming bell could break that trance..." *squishing noises heard, followed by more violent squishing noises* "Uck... All over my bones... I just had them bleached... In any case, I came prepared this time. Not as much as I would have hoped... The supernatural defence these bones give me doesn't help to much when slimes are trying to IMPALE me... But, they've grown on me... Not literally; metaphorically. In any case, I was able to take on the Snarbolax alone only because of my knowledge of the bell... I was surprised I was able to do it alone, seeing how hard a time Alpha Squad had... Perhaps they somehow broke through it's shadowy hide in some other fashion? It would probably be more strenuous and unneeded, but there must be- *more violent squishing sounds* I seem to be losing myself in my thoughts again. Just like last time... But here, I must take better precautions. Twenty knights in total have gone missing down here, never to return, so I requested the aid of three other knights. They all radiate strength, just having them nearby fills me with ease..." *explosion heard in background, followed by a loud woop* "Though they aren't all as... 'Refined' as I am. I think 'overkill' is the correct term. Though... I can only imagine what form of Jelly could be responsible for all this... That mentality may be just what we need. These plentiful purple ones may give me the answer to my question... Nevertheless, Valkryie assures me that we are drawing near to our destination. I only hope we are up to the task of facing whatever it is that lurks inside this castle... Or, rather, slinks... Slurps? How do you describe a Jelly's movement? No matter... I'm positive we'll pull through... I have heard good things about these three... *another explosion, followed by some cursing* Then again..."

Ironclaw Munitions Factory

"This place stirs up a hurricane of emotions in me. I'm terrified at what awaits me further down... The dreaded Roarmulus Twins. From what information we have, they're behemoth sized turrets, possibly capable of destroying all of Haven... Both larger then that Royal Jelly I had dealt with a few days back... It was odd. A multitude of Jellies, both miniature and regular sized, had sprung from it whenever it swung around. Healing itself with its own minions... It was a good thing we brought special equipment... Hindering its minions and preventing its healing was the only way of taking it down... And the rage that put it in! Swishing around the room in a fitful flurry of spins and body slams... It can only pale in comparison to these monolithic machines. The latest squad had to evacuate before sustaining more injuries... Two enormous turrets with phasonic shielding, a seemingly endless supply of ballistics, bullets, and lasers, against four ill-equipped knights has never added up in my books... In fact, when I added it up, they SHOULD have never been heard from again... That fact that two survived is amazing! But... The loss of the other two is one we must mourn... But fighting these things is going to be difficult... That, and all of these machines are bent on the destruction of anything not of Gremlin origin as well. The sheer number of explosives we've had to set off to get through is bone chilling. Who knows how much more they have stored elsewhere... Probably enough to level Haven twelve times over! Past that 'lovely' hypothesis, I am also at ease, strangely, and ecstatic. The constant hum and clanks of gears and switches makes me feel like I'm in my old mechanic lab again, and the wealth of knowledge that can be obtained from all this technology is making this near suicidal trip worthwhile... Though coming unprepared was a major blunder for me, and my friend. Zettalux says he doesn't have the energy to move on, and I only have enough for myself. I have no way of knowing how the fight with these twin turrets will turn out... The amount of time and resources the Gremlins have put into them must have been monumental... Even just ONE monumental turret against one ill-equipped knight has never added up to me before... Despite my being ill prepared, Zetta said that I should be fine, should I continue. I'm glad he has faith in my abilities... This coming from one of the Celestian Guards is... Rather invigorating. I hope this will be enough... I had thought about turning back, but I can't, not now. The gremlins might solidify their defences, then we would have no chance in returning here without well equipped soldiers... Which we seem to be low on recently. The laser grid humming ominously in front of this elevator is obviously here for a reason. I'm almost there..."

Fire Storm Citadel

"I never should have come here, but part of me wanted to come. My non-medical studies have always dealt with three things: The gelatinous breeds of Jelly, the mechanics of Constructs, and the supernatural forces in the Undead. I'm here for the latter reason... Though I don't think I'll have much research time as I thought. The entire place is scorching; the ground, the walls, even the monsters themselves are lit with flames. And they all seem to be working against us... Traps are everywhere; step on a switch, and in a matter of seconds you're surrounded by flaming skeletons, or giant Trojans are swinging their blades in your direction, in an effort to turn you into another smouldering smear on the floor... I had this happen about three times now... If I was alone... *clears throat* I truly see now why the Celestian Guard dress the way they do... This heat is intense, and the Undead pack quite a supernatural punch, as it were... Luckily for me, my armour has a cooling unit attached, but it's working overtime down here... I'm afraid I may have to replace it... But that's the least of my worries. My armour, though adept in defence against the shadowy forces, lacks protection from these blasted flames; I had to put all my resources into this holy blade to even stand a chance against these monsters, which left me no energy to craft better armour... Despite all this, Unity tells me that I'm in good hands, and Valkryie trusts this other knight with us... He's not with the Guards, but I'm sure he could be. I feel as if I'm a burden on these knights, though... They have much better equipment, and I'm not doing much, other than dropping a few reanimated skeletal remains here and there... I plan to change that soon. I'm only missing certain key materials for my gear, and once I'm done that, I'm sure I could traverse this place myself! Not that I would want to... I like solitude, but not when it's in a smouldering pit surrounded by smouldering skeletons swinging their smouldering claws at me. In any case, with knowledge comes experience, and these knights say they have been down here plenty of times. I believe them... I'm sure the undead never truly stay... Well... "Dead". The phantoms in the graveyards prove this to an extent... I've come to the conclusion their intangible forms make it easier to "reconstruct" themselves... On a less research inspired note, I've read into a small bit of lore for this region... Almire. All I've read was about the fall of Almire... I guess it's hefty military just wasn't enough... Lord Vanaduke; he used to be the ruler of this kingdom... If it can so be called. All around, the land burns with a malevolent flame. All of it's buildings are destroyed, decimated by a horrific force. It could have been a decent place some time ago... But that time is obviously past. Perhaps this is where Alpha Squad met their last breaths... Perhaps those last skeleton we crushed we them... And perhaps I'm being to much of a downer on this situation. I'm sure they got through this, since three knights and one dead weight can get this far... Though we've been having a bit of trouble here and there, thankfully not because of my actions... Most of the time anyway. With experience comes knowledge, and these knights now this place like the back of their hands. If I hadn't listen to them, I'd probably be under the rubble of a rampaging wheel, along with the other unfortunate souls forgotten in this forsaken place... How did this place become this way exactly? I should read up more on the history of this area when I return to the surface... That is, IF I return..."

Inventory

Arsenal

Swords (7) "Devious Scalpel" ★★★★★ Attack Speed Increase: Low "Dreadful Syringe" ★★★★★ "Immaculate Bonesaw" ★★★★★ "Tainted Bonesaw" ★★★★★ "Broken Bonesaw" ★★★★★ Attack Speed Increase: Low Damage Bonus vs Fiends: Low "Infected Scalpel" ★★★★☆ Grand Flourish ★★★★☆ Handguns (7) "LOIC Pointer" ★★★★★ "BBB" ★★★★★ "Derpent Derpderper" ★★★★★ Damage Bonus Vs. Undead: Low "Durrderpdurr" ★★★★★ "Super AIDS Spreader" ★★★★★ Damage Bonus Vs. Undead: Medium "Derpiance" ★★★★★ Antigua ★★★☆☆ Bombs (4) "Aesthetic"] ★★★★★ "A Slight Burning Sensation" ★★★★☆ Super Blast Bomb ★★★☆☆ "Defibrillator" ★★★☆☆ Helmets (4) "Derpeye" ★★★★★ Rock Jelly Helm ★★★★☆ Increased Normal Defense: Low A.I.R. Biochemical Breather ★★★☆☆ Dr. D's Procedure Mask ★★★☆☆ Increased Normal Defense: Low Armor (4) "Underptaker" ★★★★★ Rock Jelly Mail ★★★★☆ Increased Curse Resistance: Low Dr. D's Surgical Suit ★★★★☆ H.O.T. Temperature Regulator ★★★☆☆ Costumes (3) Sniped Stranger Hat Plasmatech Bombhead Mask Plasmatech Demo Suit Shields (6) Ode to Archimedes ★★★★★ Increased Freeze Resistance: Low Royal Jelly Shield ★★★★★ Crest of Almire ★★★★★ Dr. D's Calcium Guard ★★★★☆ Increased Shadow Resistance: Low Boosted Plate Shield ★★★☆☆ Twisted Targe ★★★☆☆ Trinkets (0) Artifacts (6) Hatch Handle Medal of Monstrous Merit Recon Module: Entrance to the Core Recon Module: Gloaming Wildwoods Recon Module: Royal Jelly Palace Recon Module: Ironclaw Munitions Factory Recon Module: Firestorm Citadel Recon Module: The Gauntlet

Recipes

Learned Recipes

Swords (13) Avenger ★★★★☆ Divine Avenger ★★★★★ Faust ★★★★☆ Gran Faust ★★★★★ Troika ★★☆☆☆ Kamarin ★★★☆☆ Khorovod ★★★★☆ Sudaruska ★★★★★ Flourish ★★☆☆☆ Swift Flourish ★★★☆☆ Grand Flourish ★★★★☆ Brandish ★★☆☆☆ Silent Nightblade ★★★★☆ Acheron ★★★★★ Striker ★★★☆☆ Vile Striker ★★★★☆ Dread Venom Striker ★★★★★ Twisted Snarble Barb ★★★☆☆ Dark Thorn Blade ★★★★☆ Barbarous Thorn Blade ★★★★★ Calibur ★★☆☆☆ Tempered Calibur ★★★☆☆ Ascended Calibur ★★★★☆ Leviathan Blade ★★★★★ Handguns (14) Kilowatt Pulsar ★★★☆☆ Gigawatt Pulsar ★★★★☆ Polaris ★★★★★ Toxic Catalyzer ★★★☆☆ Virulent Catalyzer ★★★★☆ Biohazard ★★★★★ Silversix ★★★★☆ Argent Peacemaker ★★★★★ Blackhawk ★★★★☆ Sentenza ★★★★★ Blaster ★★☆☆☆ Super Blaster ★★★☆☆ Master Blaster ★★★★☆ Valiance ★★★★★ Autogun ★★☆☆☆ Strike Needle ★★★★☆ Blight Needle ★★★★☆ Plague Needle ★★★★★ Bombs (11) Fiery Vaporizer ★★☆☆☆ Fiery Vaporizer MK II ★★★☆☆ Fiery Atomizer ★★★★☆ Freezing Vaporizer ★★☆☆☆ Freezing Vaporizer MK II ★★★☆☆ Toxic Vaporizer ★★☆☆☆ Lightning Capacitor ★★★☆☆ Plasma Capacitor ★★★★☆ Blast Bomb ★★☆☆☆ Super Blast Bomb ★★★☆☆ Master Blast Bomb ★★★★☆ Nitronome ★★★★★ Twisted Spine Cone ★★★☆☆ Helmets (13) Gunslinger Hat ★★★☆☆ Sunset Stetson ★★★★☆ Deadshot Chapeau ★★★★★ Jelly Helm ★★☆☆☆ Brute Jelly Helm ★★★☆☆ Rock Jelly Helm ★★★★☆ Spiral Plate Helm ★★☆☆☆ Boosted Plate Helm ★★★☆☆ Cobalt Helm ★★☆☆☆ Solid Cobalt Helm ★★★☆☆ Mighty Cobalt Helm ★★★★☆ 40px Azure Cobalt Helm ★★★★★ Skelly Mask ★★☆☆☆ Scary Skelly Mask ★★★☆☆ Armor (12) Sunset Duster ★★★★☆ Deadshot Mantle ★★★★★ Jelly Mail ★★☆☆☆ Brute Jelly Mail ★★★☆☆ Rock Jelly Mail ★★★★☆ Spiral Plate Mail ★★☆☆☆ Boosted Plate Mail ★★★☆☆ Cobalt Armor ★★☆☆☆ Solid Cobalt Armor ★★★☆☆ Mighty Cobalt Armor ★★★★☆ 40px Azure Cobalt Armor ★★★★★ Skelly Suit ★★☆☆☆ Scary Skelly Suit ★★★☆☆ Sinister Skelly Suit ★★★★☆ Shields (15) Jelly Shield ★★☆☆☆ Brute Jelly Shield ★★★☆☆ Rock Jelly Shield ★★★★☆ Royal Jelly Shield ★★★★★ Crest of Almire ★★★★★ Owlite Shield ★★☆☆☆ Wise Owlite Shield ★★★★☆ Grey Owlite Shield ★★★★★ Plate Shield ★★☆☆☆ Boosted Plate Shield ★★★☆☆ Skelly Shield ★★☆☆☆ Scary Skelly Shield ★★★☆☆ Sinister Skelly Shield ★★★★☆ Defender ★★☆☆☆ Great Defender ★★★☆☆ Mighty Defender ★★★★☆ Aegis ★★★★★ Twisted Targe ★★★☆☆